Unconditional Love

When I first had my baby for some reason, I did not want to hold her. To be honest I truly believed that I had postpartum depression (click the link to see if you have the symptoms new mamas) and fully intended to get help. Anytime that someone would come in the room I would give her to them, or I would put her down in the crib. My family and my boyfriend left one night to go to work and to give me space saying they would be back the next day. Well I was trying to change her and was on the phone with my niece just chatting away and my baby started choking.

I just thought she was choking on her saliva, so I was patting her on her back. Well then, she ended up turning blue I had to call the nurses in there to take her and help. They told me that she was choking on her amniotic fluid and that they would take her to run tests. By that time, I was so upset I couldn’t stop crying it hurt me that I could not help my baby at her time of need. It was enough to shake me out of not wanting to hold her. I held her every time after that, I didn’t want to let her go. My sister ended up coming to the hospital and sleeping there until my boyfriend got there and I don’t know how to thank her still to this day.

Being home it was honestly a little rough I was still at my sister’s house trying to work things out with my boyfriend. He was coming over every day and staying for as long as he could before work and on his off days, we would go over there. Some nights she would stay up until her daddy got off at 2:30am to facetime us then he would tell her to go to bed and she would go. Some nights she wouldn’t and would stay up all night. Or she would stay up until he got off and get her and she would fall asleep as soon as he would hold her. I was exhausted to say the least. People would come over to see her or to see how I was doing, and I would fall asleep as soon as they take her. Part of the problem was that I would always wake her up every two hours to breastfeed her. I took her to the pediatrician and he looked at me and said you look so tired what’s going on and I told him I wake her up every two hours to feed her and he was like why do you do that you can start letting her wake up on her own. I was so happy to hear that.

From that night on she would sleep for like 4 hours and wake up or every 3 and a half. Sometimes if I was up and I felt like she was sleeping for too long I would wake her up and feed her. Now I had paid my bills three months in advance and for the diapers and wipes from the moment I found out I was pregnant every paycheck I got I would get her some in different sizes. I did this so I didn’t have to worry about anything my whole maternity leave. If there is not anything else that you take away from this post, it’s this I would strongly suggest that anyone who has just found out that they are pregnant to do this after the second trimester. It really helps out a lot.